Sunday, November 05, 2006

i passed cpft. somehow i did. not too bad did it in the first test itself. only 11 passed. but in the next one a few more did. now only like 6 left. there are only 25 trainees to begin with. lol. ippt left. standing broad jump and all the other usual shit. PTI gold aint easy. cant club for a long time as i got financial issues. soccer betting sucks. i lost a bomb. seriously. a bomb.. but its all my fault. now i can either quit or win back.. well some people turned 19.. how insane. once we were kids now we are hardly tamed. i feel utterly lonely. totally no chick friends as of now. why? cause i am just too stuck up for my own good. too engrossed in everything to keep it casual. to scared to try cause it hurts. but closing every possibility does not make it all better. only worse. i got no balls i must say. to scared to profess love or emotions til it all fades away. but somehow i know you`ll find no one better. and all my life will be a regret so i wont really bother. the chance is slim. slimmer than slim 10 or kate moss or even the straight line on my rooms tile. but why i ask God why? why does my heart bleed tonight. i thought it was over and done and all the "dreams" shattered and layed again. but why do i remember you? yes but i`ll know some day i`ll find someone better. and i`ll see with some shorty or baldy who is well educated and earns a bomb. but when he sleeps with others and when he makes you cry, i`ll never be there. i wont give a fuck no more. friends still and freinds forever as we once said. but when and if we meet agian i`ll really despair. butt i`ll pray every night for you like i ahve always done. and hope your wishes will come true and hapiness your only emotion. but if only we could be. if only. so different, so apart, so unlikely, totally impossible. yes i knwo the word that describes it all.. IMPOSSIBLE. thank you God for what i have and what i dont. living this life i am like it is my own. never to despair and fighting every struggle. i`ll emerge a winner. a winner in yours and my eyes. only we know the truth and the lies. you know it all. make something happen oh you the mighty one. do not let me fall and fall and never stop falling. pick me up and brush the dirt off. so i may pursue what i have been trying to. Amen.

-Aayush
Sunday, September 24, 2006

havent blogged in ages. haha. and yes, slow i do miss you school and stuff. but its just hard to get away from the army life now. its everywhere. like even when u book out must study for the tests, and buy stuff to bring back and do research.. bleagh.. and now i totally give up on anything nowadays. just too fed up with life. got long way to ORD... heck, I ain`t even finished training life yet. and they always no when i do something wrong cause its so easy to notice if i go missin.. "wheres aayush? he left!! no intergrity.." like wtf!@ nvm.. i sure as hell need to go out. i also heard someone broke up already.. not to be mean but i was happy. thought the guy was shorter or maybe not even as tall as her. she deserves better i say. but too bad, casue i have totally no way to contact her. and like it`ll be weird. plus, now uni life consperm got tonnnes of guys with mucho betre hair and stuff than me. but how i wish things could be different. ..

-Aayush
Wednesday, August 30, 2006

i am shit scared. i gotta book in soon and ike its gonna be the first day of PTI course tomorrow.. and the first thing is IPPT..fuck.. its C+3 standard, the COMMANDOES one.. like must get 25 points and under 9.14 for running to get gold.. i hope i do man.. my shuttle run and STANDING BROAD JUMP really cant make it.. i barely got a gold the last time.. and the running!! OMG 9.14? i nearly died and got 9.28.. shaving another few dozens of seconds is really impossible.. ubber scared man.. and they don really treat us that great either.. i am seriosuly fucking scared.. just nervous and afraid.. cant sit still.. been on a eating binge.. i really hope God lets me make it through these next few weeks fine.. only ten more weekS!!! and i`ll be ubber happr.. no more trainging and a certificate for being a gym instructor and a swimming coach by the singapore sports council. but i hope i make it through.. havent been so scared since like ages.. since like JC days.. prelims then a levels.. same wish, to let me make it through... and i did.. but STILL i am super scared.. sheesh.. maybe i should stop writing.. and i am broke too.. a bit broke actually.. sigh.. and i got no one to ramble to.. thats even worse. why do men like to keep their worrie and views inside>?? we should open up like women do.. but hey, that would mean we`d be bitching.. hmmm.. its fine like this i guess.. but SHIT!! i am still really scared.. somebody save me man.. a call to no one. a call to the beyond.. HELP H E L P H>>>>E>>>>L>>>P...

-Aayush
Saturday, August 26, 2006

its finally over. 40th BSLc comes to an end. all the tortures, all the selections everything is over. no more being called private, no more guard duties. no more shit. actullay a lot more. haha.. well, posting were read out yesterday and during area cleanin one sergeant told me he thinks i went arty and my Ps said congratulations to me on my posting. one by one they went "signals, arty.. " and each person got a map to the new place. when it came to me, sergeant said you dont need a map, *Long pause* cause you are going to AFC(army fitness centre)(i think). was kinda happy then it dawned to me the 11 weeks of extremely tough training i have ahead to be a PTI. but 8 to 5, with a sergeant rank and wearing a singlet all day long seems all right. no more camo cream and bashing thru jungles. YAY. but i hope i get a better bod. i was also talkin to this chick lately. but seems it wont work out. had eyed her since school days and thought if things would be serious with her itwould be fine. but she went out one on one with another one of my friends and asked him his opinion of me. don know what he said and ian told me this. then i had sensed and was told she likes some other guy. well guess i`ll pull the plug on this one. got my ear pierced too. ubber cool. but i already took the stud out and put a stick in. it still has not kinda healed. and i nerly fainted on the day it got pierced as i got it piercred then ate subway which was not much then watched see no evil that was gruesome and then tried to take out my stud which got stuck. so i felt very lightheaded and nearly blacked out. but its all fine.. so status report on myself will be as usual, no money, no car, no chick, no nothing. yet.. and i have basically exhausted almost all my hot contacts.. and i don wanna try for the rest. gues i am just too superficial..

-Aayush
Friday, August 18, 2006

its official. there i no way in hell i am going ocs. i mean i did not get selected for the crossover. i had expected myself to be a lot more dissapointed and sad over it but guess i knew it coming. gotta juts spend the rest of the two years as a 3rd sergeant.. fucked up. but one thing i told myself was that no matter where i get posted although i think its gonna be an infantry unit, i`d give my best and be all out.. the whole point of thes two years is to make me operationally ready and if i don follow the traing and give my 100%, i`d fuck up in actual times of war. (VERY unlikely to happen).. apart from that nothing much has happened. still bored and cant wait to get this over with. BSLC ends this week.. graduation 28 km march and presentation of corparal rank. period. its over. posting wil be out this week too..

tried and tested
but i wont accept this fate
most things i do regret
but its all in haste

-Aayush
Sunday, August 06, 2006

yeah.. another 3 weeks more and BSLC will be over. i wont be PTE AAYUsh but CPL AAYUSH.. hope to crossover or go PTI or i should end up in ASLC, i`ll volunteer and i wanna go guards.. but its all so far away.. nothing great happening. went out with gina`s og the J1 this year ppl.. jc seems so far away and distant now. its like years have passaed and the memories are getting mouldy.. been super glum. and everyone INSISTS i have lost TOO much weight. its not like i have a choice. all the combat ration and stuff.. this week is NUTCRACKER and i`ll be digging trenches to just cover them at the end. haha,. but my buddy kwang wei is a good chap to have and i am confident we will have no problem. everyone seems like gone.. no ne remembers you.. only my new friends chill with me and ian of course. its always retardedly funny and fun to go out and do weird stuff.. and my fav cocktail is ZOMBIE.. had it twice with augustus. u really should try it.. sweet and there`s always the cheery to eat.. stupid girly drink.. haha.. nothing more. no chick attention or anything. same ole me and myself and my thoughts and dreams.. o ya, i watched CLICK. ubber nice show. meaningful. i so wished i had a wife as hot as katre beckingsale and kids as cute as that. well i hope i do haha. i really felt like i should put more effort into everything i do after watching that show for a better tomorrow.. haha.. sure dosent sound like me...

-Aayush
Saturday, July 22, 2006

its been 5 weeks in sispec and i still badly wanna go to ocs. it just sucks douin what they to get a shit rank and little pay and get fucked around. but guess i wont cause i am just too slack. haha,. anyway, its been ages since i had a chick and ages aince i clubbed so i feel absurdly depressed to such a state that all the screw ups and misses keep coming back.. its like" it could have been" ,"it would have been", blah blah blah.. and how things would be different. but i guess God has a plan for everyone... saw constantine yesterday.. one of my fav movies.. (i know i have a bad taste but its just uniquely bad? haha) have not met ian praveen or anyone in a while. met abhinav and that was fun. some girl from IJ st.nics sec 4 wants to know me. how absurd. i am 18 dear, u are just 16. i feel extremely weird. but wat the heck, i`ll see what happens. haha. bought Guns N` Roses Live Era CD as they don allow mp3 in sispec.(CRAZY ppl) and i must say they rock live. if only i was 18 at 1990.. sheesh.. ist a super boring book out. i just wanna get over with army and get on with life.. only 4 months have passed. 1 year 6 months to go.. 2008. sigh.. met and had contact with so many ppl who gave up their PR and ran away form ns. then saw my cousin and others who are pes C and are slacking. so i felt like wth am i doing this for? but its all for staying fit and proving to myself that i can do it. 9.28 for 2.4 for a impossible task for someone who runs 11.40 in jc.. but i guess i did it.. speed trainin was fun too.. and the question of the day is WHERE are THE CHICKs? hahah.. farkign bored..

-Aayush